Hazard to Chelsea: Arsenal To Sign Bolocse Van Twinkletoe

I read a funny retweet by Tim Stillman where @1burnm says;

Hey, everyone keeps buying the really good players we are supposed to buy! Stop it, other clubs!  Stop paying them more money and stuff!

Now, I take it this is a joke, but then again I know there are some Arsenal fans who are going really mental that we are not signing any players.

People are already getting their knickers in a twist over Eden Hazard who is set to join Chelsea, Shinji Kagawa who is rumoured for United, Yann M'vila  who hasn't been signed by Arsenal and could be scooped up by our rivals.

Now, much as I yearn for signings, I appreciate it is still early days yet and some leagues have not officially ended. To start criticising Arsene Wenger and Arsenal for not signing Hazard, who is quite clearly a cunt, evidenced his choice of destination, is honestly very premature at this stage of the close season.

There are hundreds of players out there who could improve our team, most of them are unknown to us. I think the key thing for Arsenal in the coming weeks is to sort out the Robin Van Persie situation in order to avoid mistakes of seasons past. The fact that Van Persie has not signed a new contract by now and being the club captain seriously undermines the club and it's preparations for next season. We have bought Podolski, lets get another striker and creative midfielder and I think we are ok. But there is still plenty of time  to do deals. Lets marvel at the amount of money other clubs are spending  on players but equally applaud their stupidity.

The media is going to the bank by replicating speculation that any moron with internet access can generate. I could tweet that Arsenal will sign Bolocse Van Twinkletoe. Some journalist in another part of the world whose sole duty is to monitor the web for new stories will pick up on this story and in no time, every tabloid, column inch, tweet, Arsenal fan site will go viral with the signing of Bolocse Van Twinkletoe.

And to make matters worse, Bolocse Van Twinkleto may have given an interview five years ago, wherein he was asked what he thinks about the Arsenal style of play and he said he found it very attractive. The media will quote those words in the "breaking news story" about how Bolocse Van Twinkletoe will be signed by Arsenal. When the deal doesn't go through, they could always claim it was because Arsene Wenger and Arsenal are misers.

Don't pay much attention to the rumours. Also bear in mind that any player who chooses not to join Arsenal is a cunt and we are probably better off without them.